Carriea31 (carriea31) wrote,
Carriea31
carriea31

Thoughts

I didn't say much about my personal feelings when I mentioned my grandmother's passing. In truth, I'm very sad about it, although I am glad she is no longer in pain and she is not suffering. I don't tend to talk much about my feelings with people in my "real life", but have always journaled about things instead...so in keeping with that...

Grandma was my buddy, someone who I had a good connection with. We could chat on the phone for a long time about nothing, or about anything, and it was nice to have someone who thought in the same way that I do. Lots of people used to comment that I got some of my spunkiness and independence from her, and she would always chuckle and take pride in that. She helped teach me that sometimes it is ok to kick a little and make a bit of noise about things in order to get something done, or to not be taken advantage of. I learned some valuable lessons from her, and I will miss her terribly.

Before my grandma moved back to Missouri, we used to go to church together on Sunday. Afterwards we would choose a new place to go out for lunch. Sometimes we would visit a favorite, but we were both always on the lookout for a new place to try. It isn't hard to find new places when you live in a big city like Phoenix, so we had a great time and tried lots of different things. Those Sunday talks and lunches were our special time together.

The week before she passed away, she was in and out of consciousness, and when she was awake, a lot of times things weren't making sense to her. She couldn't recognize people in person or remember who anyone was. I pushed for a phone call with her, and I think I irritated my uncle a little in doing so(he is the son who lives in the same town, and was the only one available until the very end who was there with her). At the time, I thought that she would recover and I wanted to try and talk to her and see if that would help spark anything in her at all. I felt bad because I knew it upset him that I was pushing for it, but I'm glad I did...there was ONE evening 2 days before she passed when she woke up and she was more coherent. She was able to accept phonecalls just for a period of about 20 minutes. My mom got the message before I did, so she called her first, and then I got a chance to call. I was only able to talk to her for about 45 seconds..seriously, it was less than a minute. She was so weak and every word was a struggle, so I didn't keep her on the line, but I was able to tell her I love her, and that we were praying for her. She knew who I was and she told me she loved me too. Even during that conversation, her spunk came shining through...I told her that a lot of people were thinking of her and she said "well, good for them!". I am SO SO blessed to have been able to have that final little phone call with her, and I'm truly grateful for it.

I'll leave off with a picture of her favorite flowers, pansies.
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